A Hard Day
This cat has some serious RBF. I feel you cat. I truly do.
Today was a hard day. Nothing ridiculous happened. There were no car accidents or illnesses and nobody died. Everything was all fairly mundane. But I was in a mood – the kind of mood where I can’t keep my RBF under control, where an inconvenient series of unfortunate events takes an already sour mood and drives it further into the pits. I woke up this way. (Maybe this is one of those days where I’m blindsided by PMS that I wasn’t prepared for – read about it here.) But whatever the reason I’m in a mood, I didn’t want to wake up in spite of having more than the requisite hours of sleep I needed to start me off right. I got up and very slowly, too slowly went about my morning routine of bathroom, coffee, clothing myself, and figuring out what to take to work to eat.
I currently work part-time at a small technology firm. They don’t have enough money to pay me to go full time and that’s ok. Working full time while wrangling my children seems daunting. Anyway, I’m not always at work before calls start coming in for me. Today was one of those days. The first call came in too early. I knew when I saw the number come it. It was someone who I spent the last week playing phone tag with so I picked up. Unfortunately, the information I needed from this person required me to be in the office in front of her laptop to verify it. I took the information and let her know I would call her back and let her know if it worked either way. When I called her back, not only did she not pick up, but there was no voicemail to leave a message. I tried again a couple of hours later with the same result.
After I attempted to work on that client’s issue, I logged into my computer. It was frozen. I attempted to restart it, but it wouldn’t respond. Since I’m not allowed to throw company equipment out of the window, I held down the power button until it turned off and turned it back on again. That did absolutely nothing. It took me over an hour to troubleshoot and repair the issue with my own computer just so I could get work done.
Towards the end of the work day, my eldest son called and asked me if I had any errands to run. I asked why he didn’t want to be at home. My mother was there. He didn’t have the energy for her. OOF. The thing about a bipolar parent is sometimes they get impulses to pop in unannounced and begin to judge everyone. Thanks to the holidays, she’s been on a bit of a streak lately. You can read here about Christmas with my in-laws. So I’m procrastinating going home because I struggle with her on good days, where my mood is stable. I don’t want to go home because she’s there, because I have more work to do there, because there’s dinner to cook, because I’m mentally exhausted after the holidays, because I suck at transitions, and just because I’d rather avoid than show up. Do you ever have one of those days?